Non-Jews are for practice
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
