On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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