Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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