man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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