Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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