I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
