So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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