Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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