I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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