You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
