I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
