When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
