You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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