3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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