you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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