I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
