So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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