I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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