I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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