I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
