just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
