i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
