I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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