who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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