Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
