All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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