just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
