I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You are the jesus of drinking
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
