you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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