I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
