is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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