i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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