my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
