It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
