90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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