my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
