he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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