hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the day after is always just damage control
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
