she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
