my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
