Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
