she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
