Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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