It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
