If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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