I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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