nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
