you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Randomize
