My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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