Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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